Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
