Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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