LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
