The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my being single is dangerous.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
