that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
