So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
