this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
