So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
