I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
