i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
