All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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