She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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