Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
