he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
