Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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