I cockslap morals
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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