he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
