I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
