omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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