Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
