My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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