dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
