Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
