Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
