Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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