First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A+ Viking dick
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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