She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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