You just made me feel so damn special
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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