Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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