Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
