You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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