Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
