If i come over, it means nothing
this just has baby written all over it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
