Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
