I only kidnapped one of them. chill
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
