I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
