I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My liver is preforming stress tests.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
