Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
