I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
