Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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