note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
