if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
