You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
