Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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