I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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