He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
