Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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