I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
