Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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