I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
