Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
