Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
