turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
