so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
